


lies over the ocean

by jmerrickism



Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV)
Genre: Alternate Season/Series 02, F/M, written in the form of letters
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-02-10
Updated: 2015-02-18
Packaged: 2018-03-11 12:58:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,942
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3327707
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jmerrickism/pseuds/jmerrickism
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Fitz woke from his coma barely functioning, and thus was sent back to Scotland to recover. These are the letters that he sent back and forth with the one person that he did remember when he woke up. Alternate Season Two.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. oh mercy me

Simmons,

Enclosed in the box are assorted treats that Mum told me include, saying that you loved them the last time you were here. I don’t remember ever bringing you here to the estates, but apparently I had been able to buy Mum a nice little cottage at some point, because here we are.

Did I ever bring you here? Mum won’t tell me, saying that I need to be filling these blanks in myself.

I recently found myself drawing...something. I don’t know, I didn’t know the words or the terms that went along with it, but it felt familiar somehow. I’ve included a copy, perhaps someone at SHIELD (got it right that time, thanks for letting me know it wasn’t SWORD or something else ridiculous), know what it is. Maybe it can help?

I’m not going to lie, I have had a hard week. Well. Couple of weeks. I’m slowly getting my ability to speak back, but even writing this...it’s taken me twenty minutes to get this far. Everyone says I’m this world renowned engineer, but I can’t even engineer my lunch. My hand has been cramping, I can’t grip anything with it.

What am I doing wrong Simmons? Am I asking too much of you? How close were we?

I’m sorry, I do not mean to be putting this on you. You’re my friend, I remember that. One of the few things that I do remember.

Thank you for the picture, it is next to my bed.

Best,  
Fitz

\-----

Simmons,

Haven’t heard from you in a few weeks. I hope everything is okay.

As you can see, my writing is getting better. My hand is getting better. Well, my one hand is. The other...the other lacks cooperation according to my therapist.

My mind? Still lagging behind. It’s frustrating.

Hope all is well.

Best,  
Fitz

\-----

_Dear Fitz,_  
 _Sorry it has been a while since I last wrote, things have gone bonkers here._

_More so than they usually can be actually. Director Coulson (you remember him, right? Let me know if you need me to update you again) recently discovered that HYDRA had created a lab right under our nose - and were recruiting SHIELD scientists to work against the very things we’ve spent the last ten years creating._

_He asked me to help, to go undercover, to see what HYDRA had gained, and what they were gaining. You remember how hard it is for me to tell a lie? That was the reason I haven’t written in two months. The only way I could get through this experience was to create a fantasy world, and to be myself._

_If I was writing to you when this was happening I wouldn’t have been able to keep that charade up, because I would remember why I hate HYDRA so much. I would keep thinking about how every single person in that building held some fault for why I was writing to you. Why you weren’t standing in a lab next to me._

_I am sorry, Fitz. I know you must have been going spare with worry. The only way I didn’t unravel was gaining an addiction to horrible take-away. It reminded me of when we first joined SHIELD, gave me a way to remember the end game, yeah? You remember how your apartment used to be furnished with naught but pizza boxes? That’s what it was like at the flat they let me in._

_I was miserable._

_I still am, but now I can write to you without wanting to break down and curl into a ball._

_You are the most important person in the world to me Fitz. You…_

_When your memory comes back we will talk. If I push it onto you it won’t be fair._

_Write back soon, I miss you._

_Always,_  
 _Jemma_

_P.S. Remind me to tell you about Bobbi after you remember Skye. Bobbi is literally the most awesome person on Earth. And when you meet her I don’t care if you tell her that._  
\-----

Jemma-

Oh thank God, I thought I was hallucinating our letters. I even started to think I was seeing you out of the corner of my eyes - don’t worry. I’m not going spare.

Well, that’s a lie.

I’m frustrated beyond belief, and can barely keep a conversation. Writing you know works much better, but it’s just not going through my mouth, yeah?

My Mum pulled out some photographs that we had apparently been sending her throughout the years. Who let me wear my hair like that? Was it you? Simmons, you say that I mean a lot to you, yet you let me believe that an afro on a Scottish person was a good idea?!

Mum took me to Ibrox, sat us in the neutral’s section. According to her I used to be here all the time as a lad, I liked it. It felt...natural? That’s what I’ve been guiding myself with, if something feels natural to go with it, yeah?

Oh, that reminds me. The Night-Night Gun! I remember that! I looked at the schematics of it the other night and I know immediately what it was, and what it was for. Everything got blurry after that, but I remembered building it and the reason why I built it a certain way.

As you English would say, I was right chuffed.

I’m nowhere near ready to come back, but it was a little victory. More so than I usually get these days.

I’m knackered, I’m probably going to have a kip, but I’m happy you are alright.

Best,  
Fitz

\-----

_Fitz-_

_That’s amazing! I am so proud of you! Do you remember when I shot Agent Sitwell with the Night-Night Gun?_

_Sorry this seems so rushed, but we just had a blistering of activity, I did not have a moment to think for myself. Ever since returning from HYDRA we have been flushing their remains out, but they keep returning._

_One of our...assets has been helpful._

_You know him, well, knew him. We thought we knew him before...before everything happened. I didn’t know that he was being held here and I happened upon him._

_I didn’t react well. He’s the reason that you’re in Scotland and not next to me. I shouldn’t be telling you this, I shouldn’t, but it isn’t fair Fitz! It isn’t fair that you’re an ocean away, leaving us to solve these problems with half of me-_

_I’m sorry. I don’t mean to be putting this on you. I’m rambling in written word, if such a thing is possible?_

_Don’t you blame that hair on me Leopold Fitz! I told you time and time again that it did not look right on you, and you were bound and determined that you could pull it off! You even took me to the Spring dance like that - was that the picture your Mum showed you?_

_Because you shaved it all off the next day, I think I can at least let you know that. You showed up to my door right after you did. Do you remember that?_

_Oh, Hunter wanted me to ask you a question - do you remember me telling you about Hunter? The mercenary Coulson brought in, British? Well, proper British :P. Anyway, apparently he is married to Bobbi! Well, was. They...don't get along well now - according to them. It's odd. I didn’t know, when I first met him was right after...right after you had to go home. He had cheered me up before I had to go to Hydra, looked after me._

_Anyway. Hunter wanted to know if you could send him a Liverpool scarf, even though I told him that you wouldn’t be caught dead going to Merseyside. Are you allowed out on your own, or do you need to have an escort at all times? Maybe your Mum could drive you around a bit more? Send me a scarf too - it’ll be a test to see if you can remember my team!_

_Maybe I can find a way to come visit you, too._

_Miss you Fitz._

_Always,_  
 _Jemma_

\-----

Jemma-

Don’t call me Leopold! I know that much! You should know that, shouldn’t you? Or is that different?

Tell Hunter that I hope he hangs with this scarf. I’ve also included a Rangers one, because I couldn’t remember which Sheffield club you supported - Rangers are better anyway.

Were you crying on the last letter? Jemma, please don’t shed your tears on me. I will be back to probably annoying you something mad soon enough.

I have to keep this short, tired. Spent all day driving over Blighty with Mum.

Let me know if you can come.

What happened in the pod? My mind is telling me I did something stupid, and nobody will tell me what it was. Just that I was, “a hero.”

Best,  
Fitz


	2. god bless catastrophe

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Covers "The Writing on the Wall" and "The Things We Bury"

_Dear Leopold-_

_Would you rather I call you a little lion? I love the scarf, thank you very much - I have yet to take it off. Skye (I’ve included a picture of her just in case you forgot) makes fun of me all the time as she says it’s bigger than I am, but she’s just jealous._

_Also don’t ever let anybody back home in Sheffield know I’m wearing it, yeah?_

_Hunter also says thanks, and that he hopes you got your shots before going down to get it. He’s sweet in a very odd, melodramatic way. I’ve also included a picture of him for you, as I don’t think you ever met him. Bobbi (picture also included, I hope you are sensing a pattern here mister) had to force him to sit still for it._

_I was crying over the last letter, only because I miss my best friend on Earth. That’s what you are, you remember? That was what you told us, remember? You didn’t know anybody else in the room, but you knew me from everyone. You may not remember why, but a wonderful man told me that he had been beside me the whole damn time - and it’s the truth. You belong next to me, here, with me._

_I’m sorry, there I go getting emotional again. I’m only crying because I miss you so much, yeah? So you need to hurry up and get better, that way I won’t cry anymore. Okay?_

_Fitz, the pod story will come in time. I’m...I don’t think I can tell it right now. Not over a letter, not without you here next to me. You are a hero, not were. You are. Remember the difference, okay?_

_You. Are. A. Hero._

_I miss you. The team is off to Japan, and I am somehow the Senior Agent left here! Lucky me!_

_Always,_   
_Jemma_

  
\-----

Jemma-

I seem to remember an argument at one point where you called me a lion, and you bought me one? Or I bought you one, or something. Something. Dammit, it’s right there.

Sorry this letter is going to be short, but today has been a bad day. Thank you for the pictures, seeing faces with names next to them...it helps? It certainly doesn’t hurt. I look at your picture every time I read your letters, and I can almost picture your voice. It’s some tetchy, English voice isn’t it?

That was a joke, by the by.

Senior Agent? Wow, Jemma Simmons, you are moving up in the world aren’t you? I seem to remember us not being that high up. Or maybe we were. Something. We were something.

I’ve recently started doing calculations and drawings again - I feel like I’m reading Engineering at Uni all over again. Everything in the books I bloody well know, it is just behind a wall in my brain. I can feel it, see it, almost taste it. Just doesn’t want to come out, yeah?

Then when I get frustrated I go to walk around the house or the library and people get all worried and start rabbiting over me. I almost had them take me to hospital yesterday just to get some peace and quiet as I did my work - they (mainly Mum, bless her heart) seem to think if I work too hard it will hurt.

How will learning who I was hurt? Everything is right there, yeah?

I am a hero, yes, I get it. Wish I bloody well knew why, but I guess I have to be satisfied that I apparently saved the girl, yeah? I remember somebody named Ward that for some reason I want to feel that maybe I impressed him. Do we know anybody named Ward?

Oh, look at that. Wasn’t that short after all.

Ta,  
Fitz

  
\-----

  
_Fitz-_

_Ward is a bastard. A complete and utter bastard that you are better than in every way, shape, form, dimension, looks, guile, and anything you will ever imagine. Okay? He did something bad, something evil, and I will never, ever forgive him for it - and if I ever see him again I will kill him._

_Stop giving me that look, I know you are giving it to me._

_Yes, you did buy me a lion. You remembered! I had my Mum dig it out of my things and sent here, that way I had at least one little lion with me in the lab at all times. I am teasing you Fitz, you can not see my smile as I write this. I have a picture of the two of us that I took in Peru looking at me at all times._

_I can hear your voice, I will never forget your voice. If you ever forget mine just know that I remember enough for the two of us, yeah? It’s okay not to remember, we can make new memories, we can learn new things. Old things are made to be replaced, to be upgraded, to be made better, yeah?_

_We will do that with our memories! If you can’t remember, that means it’s just a new one that has to be made! Think of all the firsts that we can do again! We can go to the movies for the first time again! We can have your Mum’s pudding for the first time again! We can go to a football match for the first time again!_

_Fitz this is great! Even better - you can do it without that ridiculous haircut you had the first time! Still teasing you…_

_The case we’re working on right now is frustrating. I can’t say much, of course, but things are appearing where they shouldn’t be, and people are running away that shouldn’t be running away._

_Frustrating. That’s what the past week has been, and I have a feeling it’s only going to get worse as we discover more things._

_I’ve dropped more pictures in this letter, including the one I keep of us, that way you can look at it too!_

_Keep your chin up, yeah?_

_Always,_   
_Jemma_

_P.S. Can you send some more chocolate? Hunter nicked the rest that I had been hiding._

  
\-----

Jemma-

Make new memories to replace the old ones? That...that sounds like an idea. Sort of the long way around, the slow path of sorts, but if I have done them once the second time shouldn’t be as hard, yeah?

I...wow. The memories are there, they always will be. If they’re covered up...it’s like when you put wallpaper on top of wallpaper! The old wallpaper is still there, it’s just hidden, not gone! Jemma, you are a genius! If I made the memories once, they can be made again. They’re not lost, just waiting for another chance!

I could kiss you!

Okay, Ward is a cock. Got it. Was he any relation to that yank Senator that killed himself and his family the other day?

Is that picture in front of a pyramid? In the jungle? DID WE SEE MONKIES?! Jemma, don’t hold back on me here: did I ever get to see a real, live, in person monkey on our travels? Wait.

Jemma.

Did you allow me to go into places with poisonous spiders? Answer me truthfully! One day I will know if you are telling porkies or not!

I’ve put a picture in with this letter (and your chocolate, and some proper tea because I know you have to be running low) of the first new old memory. Well, what I think is a new old memory. I have a bad memory, yeah?

Teasing, I can tease about these things now!

Let me know what you think.

Best,  
Fitz

P.S. His name is Henry.

P.P.S. WEDNESDAY! YOU LIKE WEDNESDAY!

\-----

_To the cheeky little lion-_

_I will have you know that Skye and Bobbi have not stopped taking the mickey out of me, just where on Earth did you find that thing? It barely fits in my room when fully inflated, and space is at a premium as it is!_

_Not to say that I don’t love it to pieces and the next time I see you I am going to tackle you to the ground in thanks. No, not at all! You can’t see the smile on my face but know that you put it there. Actually. You can see it. I’ll include a picture of the grin you put on me._

_Yes! Wednesday! You remember! I knew you would! I am so very proud of you!_

_I have to cut this short, so very much is going on, but something amazing happened today. Peggy Carter? British? Founded SHIELD? I got to touch something that she did today!_

_I miss you every single day Fitz._

_Yours,_   
_Jemma_


End file.
